Oh little man...how much we love you already. We love feeling you kick, we love thinking about how close we are to meeting you and finally seeing who you are going to look most like. I think we are both pretty certain you will have dark hair and dark eyes...there is no questioning that! We go and sit in your room and think about how our lives will change in less than seven weeks. It has just been the two of us and now you will be our world! I love Lance so much so I could not be any happier that you will be half of each of us! Your daddy will be the best daddy to you...I just know it. His eyes light up every time he talks about you...he has taken amazing care of me so I know he will of you.
Although we love you and are so thankful for you...my dear sweet son...you are physically a handful these days! :) There's some days the thought of walking down the hall takes a pep talk....I'm not exactly sure why my body hurts to this degree, but I know once we see your handsome little face it will all be worth it! I had to buy a maternity belt because you are killing my back and pelvis...but you are worth every ache and pain. You really are an active little guy! You kick, roll, punch, and really jive in there! I'm hoping you figure out night time though once you get here because boy oh boy, you sure like to rock and roll when your mommy really wants to sleep :)
You really mess with your daddy a lot..sometimes you will completely stop moving when he puts his hand on my belly to feel you. I just crack up! You're already giving him a hard time! :) what a good little boy! LOL.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Showers, Scans, and Sadness....
We had our first baby shower yesterday...my in laws planned it and it actually went really well. I will be honest...I was a nervous wreck given the history with them but everyone was on their best behavior and they threw a beautiful shower. It made me very happy for Lance because they haven't treated him the best and for once...he was in the spot light and our baby was the focus of everyone. I am very happy for him. We got A LOT of stuff!!! I just spent about an hour cutting all the tags off all his new clothes...he is going to have so much by the time he gets here! Who knows where we will put it all... :) Next weekend we have one with my family so I'm super excited for that one! :)
Thursday was the one year of my Grandpa's passing....we survived it. It definitely made me sad and feel all that sadness from the worst day of my life but I know he's always watching me. That doesn't make the pain any easier but I know he's with me all the time.
My mom's scans came back stable! They haven't gotten any better but they haven't gotten any worst...so we will definitely take it! :) I am so thankful God heard all our prayers and gave her some peace of mind for everything coming up...I just wanted her to enjoy my baby showers, David's graduation, the holidays, David's graduation party, and the birth of her first grandson! There's so much excitement over the next few months...I'm so thankful for the scan results! :)
Thursday was the one year of my Grandpa's passing....we survived it. It definitely made me sad and feel all that sadness from the worst day of my life but I know he's always watching me. That doesn't make the pain any easier but I know he's with me all the time.
My mom's scans came back stable! They haven't gotten any better but they haven't gotten any worst...so we will definitely take it! :) I am so thankful God heard all our prayers and gave her some peace of mind for everything coming up...I just wanted her to enjoy my baby showers, David's graduation, the holidays, David's graduation party, and the birth of her first grandson! There's so much excitement over the next few months...I'm so thankful for the scan results! :)
Monday, November 28, 2011
32 Weeks!
Holy moly...32 freaking weeks! I can't even believe it. (I know I say that every single post but I literally get so freaked out every time I think about how close we are to meeting this little baby boy!) I must admit...I have felt pretty darn miserable lately as he gets bigger and bigger inside this growing belly! I think he has definitely dropped because there is sooooo much pressure on my pelvis. My legs and feet are swollen every night after work and my toes look so fat :) That is alright, nothing a little elevation won't fix...I just prop those babies up for a little bit and the swelling disappears and suddenly I have ankles again! Just like magic! My fingers...not so much. I had to finally stop wearing my rings this past weekend...I look like I am having a child out of wedlock now. I miss my gorgeous rings...
Thanksgiving was last week...Lance and I were originally going to host it at our house but I decided it might be too much work so Rebecca and Ezra did instead. They did a great job and how it all decorated in fall and harvest decorations... My entire family was there and we had more food then we could have even thought about eating! It was a wonderful day. That sorrow was there though as well...it was the first thanksgiving without Grandpa. Last year I spent it at the Hospice House with him and I am so thankful I had that special Thanksgiving time with him...I had no idea that a week later he would be gone. We wanted to have new traditions this year so we didn't do it at my grandparents house and I'd say it was a success.
Black Friday. What a crazy tradition! This year my mom and I decided we were not in the shape to participate... Lance really didn't want me going because he was afraid the crowds would bump into me and I'd get hurt or the baby would. He also preached my mom didn't need to be out there... So I took his advice and we didn't go. Instead, we sent my dad and him to get a few items and they were quite shocked at how crazy it was! LOL! He came home appalled at two women getting in a fight over a printer...how hilarious. Welcome to the world of Black Friday my darling! My mom was kind of bummed that she couldn't go this year so my Aunt Theresa came and picked us up and we decided to just drive around and make fun of the the people in those ridiculous lines...and you know what? We had just as much fun as if we would have actually shopped! It was a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend.
This Thursday is the one year of my grandpa's death and my heart gets heavier with each minute as it gets closer. It just stirs up all that heartbreak and pain we all felt this time last year. I still think about him daily. Friday, my mom has her scans to check the progress of the chemotherapy. I'm terrified for her but I'm just keeping the faith that she gets good news and can get some peace of mind.
This Saturday and next Sunday I have baby showers! Super excited! (This Saturday is with Lance's family so I'm super nervous about what drama is going to occur but I know that Lance will not let them ruin this special day for us. I have faith in my husband.) Next Sunday is the one my mom and sister are throwing and then the first weekend of January my best friend Kate is having a dinner for my closest friends as a third shower! Mix those in with the holidays and holiday parties and holy cow...it's going to be a busy couple months!!!!
I'll end by posting a few more of our maternity pictures! :)
Thanksgiving was last week...Lance and I were originally going to host it at our house but I decided it might be too much work so Rebecca and Ezra did instead. They did a great job and how it all decorated in fall and harvest decorations... My entire family was there and we had more food then we could have even thought about eating! It was a wonderful day. That sorrow was there though as well...it was the first thanksgiving without Grandpa. Last year I spent it at the Hospice House with him and I am so thankful I had that special Thanksgiving time with him...I had no idea that a week later he would be gone. We wanted to have new traditions this year so we didn't do it at my grandparents house and I'd say it was a success.
Black Friday. What a crazy tradition! This year my mom and I decided we were not in the shape to participate... Lance really didn't want me going because he was afraid the crowds would bump into me and I'd get hurt or the baby would. He also preached my mom didn't need to be out there... So I took his advice and we didn't go. Instead, we sent my dad and him to get a few items and they were quite shocked at how crazy it was! LOL! He came home appalled at two women getting in a fight over a printer...how hilarious. Welcome to the world of Black Friday my darling! My mom was kind of bummed that she couldn't go this year so my Aunt Theresa came and picked us up and we decided to just drive around and make fun of the the people in those ridiculous lines...and you know what? We had just as much fun as if we would have actually shopped! It was a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend.
This Thursday is the one year of my grandpa's death and my heart gets heavier with each minute as it gets closer. It just stirs up all that heartbreak and pain we all felt this time last year. I still think about him daily. Friday, my mom has her scans to check the progress of the chemotherapy. I'm terrified for her but I'm just keeping the faith that she gets good news and can get some peace of mind.
This Saturday and next Sunday I have baby showers! Super excited! (This Saturday is with Lance's family so I'm super nervous about what drama is going to occur but I know that Lance will not let them ruin this special day for us. I have faith in my husband.) Next Sunday is the one my mom and sister are throwing and then the first weekend of January my best friend Kate is having a dinner for my closest friends as a third shower! Mix those in with the holidays and holiday parties and holy cow...it's going to be a busy couple months!!!!
I'll end by posting a few more of our maternity pictures! :)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Ten Weeks Left!!!
I can not believe that I will be thirty weeks on Friday! The time has seriously flown by...I am so extremely thankful for this wonderful baby that Lance and I have been lucky enough to be blessed with...it just still is do surreal there's a little man growing inside me! But then I look in the mirror and see this HUGE belly and I quickly remember he's really in there! Also, every time he kicks and punches me is obviously a reminder as well...and boy oh boy does he do it a lot! I absolutely love it though...we were so afraid we weren't going to be able to feel him because of my placenta, but we get to feel him all the time. It's amazing! Lance is always rubbing my belly and talking to him...he's already such a wonderful daddy. I couldn't be any more thankful to have him be mine for the rest of my life...he's been great to me...I know, I know...gag me! :)
The last few weeks haven't been as easy as the first 28...as baby boy continues to grow, my pelvis and back are really feeling it. In fact, I have a heating pad on my back right now... I know it just means he is thriving in there like he's supposed to but I'm more then ready to walk without the waddle or just feel comfortable in general! I'm sure I'll miss those amazing kicks and the feeling of carrying a child once he's out though...I guess I just love complaining. But I'm for sure feeling pregnant...Braxton Hicks and all!!
I took my glucose test and thankfully passed so no gestational diabetes! I've gained 15 pounds so far and the doctor said everything still looks great! Lance and I had maternity photos last weekend and hopefully we get them soon...I am SO excited to see them all!! We have three baby showers planned... Pretty much with the holidays and everything coming up, we are going to be super busy and baby Lathan will be here before we know it. (We are pretty sure that's what his name will be... We love it!)
My brother has an interview the end of November at KU-Med! I sure hope he gets accepted into medical school...the boy is so smart and would make such a good doctor...he just needs to be acknowledged for all his hard work and given the chance to prove it!
Lance has an interview at GE (General Electric) today over his lunch hour...the pay and benefits are a lot better...the only thing is it would start out as second shift. :( I would miss him like crazy every night but the reality is it would be the smartest thing for us because we wouldn't need to put little man in daycare. He is just going to feel the guy out about insurance and stuff and go from there...if there's a probationary period for me on his insurance then he can't take it. We are too close to the end for that! It's about time something good happens for Lance too!
My mom has one more week of chemo left and then her scans are the first of December. She has not had the easiest time with this round of chemo...she has been pretty nauseated and tired. I pray constantly for good results...we all need her to be ok!
The holidays are getting closer and it's really making me think of last year... Spending each night at Hospice. What a sad, sad time. This year Lance is doing anything he can to make sure the holidays are good...but I still can't help and feel down. I still miss you like crazy Grandpa. Love you so much!
The last few weeks haven't been as easy as the first 28...as baby boy continues to grow, my pelvis and back are really feeling it. In fact, I have a heating pad on my back right now... I know it just means he is thriving in there like he's supposed to but I'm more then ready to walk without the waddle or just feel comfortable in general! I'm sure I'll miss those amazing kicks and the feeling of carrying a child once he's out though...I guess I just love complaining. But I'm for sure feeling pregnant...Braxton Hicks and all!!
I took my glucose test and thankfully passed so no gestational diabetes! I've gained 15 pounds so far and the doctor said everything still looks great! Lance and I had maternity photos last weekend and hopefully we get them soon...I am SO excited to see them all!! We have three baby showers planned... Pretty much with the holidays and everything coming up, we are going to be super busy and baby Lathan will be here before we know it. (We are pretty sure that's what his name will be... We love it!)
My brother has an interview the end of November at KU-Med! I sure hope he gets accepted into medical school...the boy is so smart and would make such a good doctor...he just needs to be acknowledged for all his hard work and given the chance to prove it!
Lance has an interview at GE (General Electric) today over his lunch hour...the pay and benefits are a lot better...the only thing is it would start out as second shift. :( I would miss him like crazy every night but the reality is it would be the smartest thing for us because we wouldn't need to put little man in daycare. He is just going to feel the guy out about insurance and stuff and go from there...if there's a probationary period for me on his insurance then he can't take it. We are too close to the end for that! It's about time something good happens for Lance too!
My mom has one more week of chemo left and then her scans are the first of December. She has not had the easiest time with this round of chemo...she has been pretty nauseated and tired. I pray constantly for good results...we all need her to be ok!
The holidays are getting closer and it's really making me think of last year... Spending each night at Hospice. What a sad, sad time. This year Lance is doing anything he can to make sure the holidays are good...but I still can't help and feel down. I still miss you like crazy Grandpa. Love you so much!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Just a few days away from the third!!!
This picture was taken a few weeks a go but holy cow! He's really showing himself these days... I remember thinking "I can't wait until I'm REALLY showing..." and that time has definitely arrived! I'll be standing up and Lance will come in and sort of giggle to himself about how much my belly has popped out over the last few weeks... I love my baby bump. Yeah, it makes life pretty difficult these days but I know he's inside me growing and my belly has to grow with him. Lance just has to listen to my moans and groans when I try to bend over, tie my shoes, cross my legs, etc. etc. Haha. This is my last week of my second trimester and things have remained pretty great.... the bigger little man has gotten the more he's hurting my pelvis and my sciatic nerve but all those pains are definitely worth it. It's mainly my left leg that has the most troubles... sometimes it feels like it is just a complete dead leg and I have to lift it up to cross it and move it, other days it's completely fine.... after a long day at work though nothing sounds better then stretching out on the couch with my feet up. I have thirteen weeks left and I know as he gets bigger the pains will get worse and worse... I can only imagine how much fun these next three months will be...but come January 2012 we will have this beautiful baby that I was blessed enough to carry around in my body for nine months and all the aches and pains will be forgotten.
Lance and I can feel him moving ALL THE TIME! He's an active little guy...and I'm thinking he must be pretty long because I will feel him at every corner of my belly at once...so he must be kicking and punching like crazy in there. Sometimes I'll be laying on the couch and Lance can see him kick through my shirt...I absolutely love it! I'll never forget the look on Lance's face the first time he felt him kick on his own...it was two weeks a go and we were laying in bed and I told him to just try and see...and little man gave his daddy a HUGE kick and Lance has never looked happier. Now we feel him all the time... I just absolutely can't wait to meet him!!! Kendalyn and Kassidy make me lay down every time I see them to see if they can feel him move and every single time he freezes up and won't do anything... they have tried singing to him, yelling at him (haha) and just talking. They're so stinkin' cute...I hope they get to feel him move soon. Kassidy always yells at him to COME OUT BABY!! She doesn't quite understand... They have named his TreeBranch Spider. HAHA! It's amazing what little kids come up with.
I got my flu shot this past week to protect me and him and my next appointment is this Wedensday...That will be the infamous glucose test...yuck. I know it's necessary but I'm not looking forward to drinking that gross drink to see how my body metabolizes sugar... I'm pretty sure I don't have diabetes due to my average weight gain and all my UA's have never had any glucose in my urine. At my last appointment I had gained nine pounds but I'll be interested in seeing this week. I know it's the third trimester where most of the weight gain happens and my appetite has definitely spiked... I know why too! He's so strong in there now he's requiring a lot more food so he can kick and punch me! haha. Right now he's jumpin' and jiving in there like crazy... :)
A different note..Lance had waited 20 weeks to tell his family about the baby because he figured there would be some sort of drama once we told them...the week after we told them his brother and his new wife...(of one week....) decided they wanted to start trying too and they announced to his parents last week they were five weeks along. I'm not going to get into anything negative on my happy blog but I will just say that's awfully convenient timing if you ask me. Oh well though, I have my handsome husband and this beautiful baby boy who I just know will be perfect...my life is complete! :) No need for immaturity or competition like the rest of them. I wish them the happiest pregnancy just like it has been for Lance and I.
My mom has been having a pretty difficult time with her chemotherapy...she hasn't been able to eat anything and she has a lot of cramps in her stomach and chest. She just keeps going though..week after week she goes for her infusions knowing what that will mean for her...this is her week off from chemo so hopefully she gets a break and can enjoy Halloween and everything. Love you mom!! I am so glad that Lance and I have this baby boy on his way to bring some happiness into the family because it's about time something good happens and I know my parents couldn't be anymore excited...gives them something happy to look forward to! :)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Baby Boy!!!!
We had a second ultrasound on Lance's birthday and boy oh boy has he grown!!! Here's a picture of his profile and I must say...he might just look like his daddy.
As of right now we are leaning towards the name Lathan Rush... we wanted something original but nothing too bizarre and out there that people couldn't pronounce it or they would think "What in the world? Where'd that crazy name come from?" We both really love Lathan so I guess we will see! :) I am at 24 weeks and have gained nine pounds... I am still not excited about gaining any weight at all but I know that's just silly and selfish because baby boy needs to grow! And man...it sure feels like he's growing a TON! He is only a pound and a half but my belly has just exploded lately...Lance loves to rub it and he says he loves it when my baby bump is showing...he always wants me to wear shirts that show it off. He's such a proud daddy already...it's adorable. I gave him a hard time this morning because he grabbed my belly and gave it a kiss goodbye before he gave me one... He instantly felt bad and grabbed me and gave me a big ol' hug and kiss. Lol! I still feel pretty good...the body aches and stuff have started but I expected that. As I get bigger...I know those will only get worse. Great. I've been really busy at work lately so it's been kind of exhausting come night time but Lance is still doing an amazing job helping me out around the house and taking care of the dogs, cooking dinner, etc. etc. I'm finding it harder and harder to bend over or even to see my toes...haha. Although the baby bump is getting in the way of everyday life...I'm so blessed to have this baby boy growing inside of me and that little bump is just proof of the life Lance and I have started together. Lance worked his butt off to get little man's room ready... before it was a little girl's room and it was a light purple with wall paper and kitty cat border (absolutely hideous...) so Lance scraped and scraped to get all the wall paper and glue off and painted it a sort of sky blue. I'm so in love with the color. We bought the crib and dresser and he put that together a few weeks a go and is getting the bed ready today...the crib mattress, mattress pad, and the sheets. We haven't bought the bedding set because we are waiting to see what all we get from our baby showers...but the theme I think we are going with is "Little Aviator." Since the room is painted a sky blue, the air planes and clouds would look so cute in there. We still have to purchase the glider but we are pretty darn proud of all the progress in there. We have gotten SO many clothes for him already and they are all washed and either hung up or put away in his dresser. He's going to be SO cute...I just know it! :) My mom bought him a newborn KU track suit...which of course is Lance's favorite outfit out of all of them. There's just so many cute outfits to choose from I might just have to changes him ten times a day so he can get wear out of all them...and we haven't even had a single shower yet! We are going to be SO set! I'm so thankful that Lance and I have such a wonderful marriage now...we went through hell and back but have came out completely and totally in love with one another. He's such an amazing man...absolutely amazing.
My mom continues with her chemotherapy...she lost her hair last week and Kendalyn is having the hardest time with it. She is always so nervous what the kids at her school will say if they see her "Ma" doesn't have any hair...my mom pretends like it doesn't hurt her feelings but I know it does. I don't know how my mom maintains her strength...I find myself waking up in the middle of the night (to go to the restroom...imagine that...) but I have a mini-panic attack thinking about all the what if's. What if the chemo doesn't work, what if her scans come back bad, what if she decides to just stop her treatment all together... it's terrifying. My son needs her as a grandma and it scares me so much to think about how unpredicatble cancer truly is... at any point the cancer can just stop responding to treatment. I see it in patients all the time... we have so many repeat patients that just keep coming back for treatment and I can't imagine how they feel. I know how my heart ached when my mom's cancer metastatisized from her breast to her bones...I can only imagine getting news that it had went to the brain or major organ. It's heart breaking...each and everytime I hear of a patient returning....it just puts so much fear in me that at any time my mom might be in their shoes. I get angry and bitter a lot of the time for her... she's lived such a good life and it's just not fair that she has to deal with this. She deserves so much out of life and although I know she doesn't allow the cancer to affect her life too dramatically, I know she can't help but wish life were different. I love you so much mom and you are such an amazingly strong woman... :)
Halloween is in a few weeks...it's crazy to think that at this point last year was when my grandpa broke his femur and everything in my life went absolutely upside down. I thought that Lance and I were falling apart, my grandpa's health declined in just two short months, and I entered such a deep and dark depression I can't believe I am where I am today. I still miss my grandpa every single day...don't get me wrong...but my emotional self is so much better then it was at this time last year. I now have such a wonderful marriage, I can think of my grandpa and smile rather than cry my eyes out, and in three and half months I will be a mom! Life has truly came full circle and I couldn't be happier about it.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Blue or Pink!?!?
Well....
We are going to have a son!!!! : )
We had our ultrasound and found out the great news...it was absolutely CRAZY seeing that little guy kicking and moving around in there. Lance's mouth was wide open in Awe the entire time...it was absolutely adorable. When the sonographer pointed out it was a boy Lance gave me the biggest high five - haha! He was pretty darn excited. We went to lunch with his parents and finally told them that I was pregnant and it went a lot better than I expected - they were really happy and excited to become grandparents. We had my family over that evening to announce our good news...we had bought a cake and then when they cut into it there was either blue frosting or pink frosting to tell them what we were expecting....of course they saw blue! My mom cried, my dad gave us huge hugs, everyone was so excited. Kendalyn and Kassidy even said they were excited...and they promised not to beat him up!! (Kendalyn had originally said if it were a boy she'd have to beat him up because she hated boys. LOL!)
Since we have found out, we have bought a few outfits for the little man...and we bought a shade of blue to paint the nursery. In fact, that's what the daddy-to-be is up to today... he's getting the room all ready. Next step, picking out a crib set, and registering for an upcoming shower. I am 21 weeks and still feeling absolutely amazing! I feel like I'm getting bigger by the minute but I have only gained six pounds so far so it's really all baby weight...it just feels HUGE! My placenta is in the front so I still am unable to feel the little guy rockin' and rollin' in there but I hope soon I get to feel him. Since my placenta is all right in the front, it makes my stomach feel so hard! (Abs of steel! LOL!) That kind of is a pain in the butt when I'm sitting or trying to lean over because it feels like a big rock is preventing my movement. The baby is supposedly about eight inches long and just over a pound in weight! He's getting bigger and bigger each day! I have not had any cravings really...I'm sure Lance is happy about that. He hasn't been sent out at midnight for pickles or anything, haha! It's so crazy to think back to February when Lance and I decided we wanted to conceive a child together...I remember how nervous we were the first time....it was so special though...I never felt more connected to Lance then when we were trying to start a life together. I remember that day in May when I took the pregnancy test and realized all of our "fun" was successful...Lance and I were going to have a baby! It has been such a crazy but fun ride so far...and we haven't even reached the good stuff yet...HIM! :)
On a different note....My mom's cancer spread to a couple more areas in her bones so this past Monday she started chemotherapy again....I prayed so hard that it would go into remission but at least it's remaining in the bones rather than spread to vital organs. The oncologist thinks that probably this coming week or the next she will lose her hair again... I wish more then anything that she wouldn't have to worry about things like that. I would do anything for my mom to be cancer-free and be able to just live her life without having to worry about what her next scan will show, worrying about what her future holds. I just wish she would have a break of some sort....the poor woman sure as hell deserves it! She's so strong though and she's so brave... I would be so bitter and so angry if I were in her shoes, if she feels that way - she sure never shows it. I will continue to pray that she will at some point get to lead a normal life without all the pain and fears she currently has to endure. I just love her so much...it breaks my heart so much. It's always hard to see a loved one sick, but it's been especially hard after losing my grandpa Tino less than a year a go. I know she fears that she will go down the same path he did...but each person's journey is different. Her cancer is a lot different and not nearly as aggressive as the collecting duct carcinoma my grandpa had - but no one understands what she's going through because she is the only one actually walking that path.... not us.
I really missed my Grandpa the past few weeks...I would have loved to have shared the news with him about me having a boy. Life just doesn't feel the same without him in it...I don't care how long it has been...I miss him and will miss him everyday for the rest of my life. You can't have such a huge and active role in your life for so many years and not be severely affected by it when he is no longer there - I love you Grandpa.
We are going to have a son!!!! : )
We had our ultrasound and found out the great news...it was absolutely CRAZY seeing that little guy kicking and moving around in there. Lance's mouth was wide open in Awe the entire time...it was absolutely adorable. When the sonographer pointed out it was a boy Lance gave me the biggest high five - haha! He was pretty darn excited. We went to lunch with his parents and finally told them that I was pregnant and it went a lot better than I expected - they were really happy and excited to become grandparents. We had my family over that evening to announce our good news...we had bought a cake and then when they cut into it there was either blue frosting or pink frosting to tell them what we were expecting....of course they saw blue! My mom cried, my dad gave us huge hugs, everyone was so excited. Kendalyn and Kassidy even said they were excited...and they promised not to beat him up!! (Kendalyn had originally said if it were a boy she'd have to beat him up because she hated boys. LOL!)
Since we have found out, we have bought a few outfits for the little man...and we bought a shade of blue to paint the nursery. In fact, that's what the daddy-to-be is up to today... he's getting the room all ready. Next step, picking out a crib set, and registering for an upcoming shower. I am 21 weeks and still feeling absolutely amazing! I feel like I'm getting bigger by the minute but I have only gained six pounds so far so it's really all baby weight...it just feels HUGE! My placenta is in the front so I still am unable to feel the little guy rockin' and rollin' in there but I hope soon I get to feel him. Since my placenta is all right in the front, it makes my stomach feel so hard! (Abs of steel! LOL!) That kind of is a pain in the butt when I'm sitting or trying to lean over because it feels like a big rock is preventing my movement. The baby is supposedly about eight inches long and just over a pound in weight! He's getting bigger and bigger each day! I have not had any cravings really...I'm sure Lance is happy about that. He hasn't been sent out at midnight for pickles or anything, haha! It's so crazy to think back to February when Lance and I decided we wanted to conceive a child together...I remember how nervous we were the first time....it was so special though...I never felt more connected to Lance then when we were trying to start a life together. I remember that day in May when I took the pregnancy test and realized all of our "fun" was successful...Lance and I were going to have a baby! It has been such a crazy but fun ride so far...and we haven't even reached the good stuff yet...HIM! :)
On a different note....My mom's cancer spread to a couple more areas in her bones so this past Monday she started chemotherapy again....I prayed so hard that it would go into remission but at least it's remaining in the bones rather than spread to vital organs. The oncologist thinks that probably this coming week or the next she will lose her hair again... I wish more then anything that she wouldn't have to worry about things like that. I would do anything for my mom to be cancer-free and be able to just live her life without having to worry about what her next scan will show, worrying about what her future holds. I just wish she would have a break of some sort....the poor woman sure as hell deserves it! She's so strong though and she's so brave... I would be so bitter and so angry if I were in her shoes, if she feels that way - she sure never shows it. I will continue to pray that she will at some point get to lead a normal life without all the pain and fears she currently has to endure. I just love her so much...it breaks my heart so much. It's always hard to see a loved one sick, but it's been especially hard after losing my grandpa Tino less than a year a go. I know she fears that she will go down the same path he did...but each person's journey is different. Her cancer is a lot different and not nearly as aggressive as the collecting duct carcinoma my grandpa had - but no one understands what she's going through because she is the only one actually walking that path.... not us.
I really missed my Grandpa the past few weeks...I would have loved to have shared the news with him about me having a boy. Life just doesn't feel the same without him in it...I don't care how long it has been...I miss him and will miss him everyday for the rest of my life. You can't have such a huge and active role in your life for so many years and not be severely affected by it when he is no longer there - I love you Grandpa.
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