"The best way out is always through...."
"Pain nourishes courage...you can't be brave if you have only had wonderful things happen to you."
I feel that life is a lesson. God has each step paved and planned for you and he hopes that you learn the lesson he is trying to teach with each movement. It is hard to see the positive in each negative and I continue to struggle with that on a daily basis...however it is becoming easier. Our family has really pulled together with the recent battles with cancer...we can not actually travel the journey for them, but we can be there every step of the way for them to lean on us or to be picked up when they feel they can not fight any longer. We have always been close as family but it is on a whole new level post-diagnosis. If we can get through this, we can get through anything. That's the way I see life now.
Working in the oncology field and dealing with oncology in my home life has really put things in perspective. I see patients face huge issues on a daily basis and they still come in and greet me with a smile - it puts money troubles, small disagreements, and so on in perspective. Life could be a lot worse.
Unfortunately, life after marriage hasn't been all fairytale like - there are those certain individuals that have tried to make it as hard as possible on us. I still have yet to figure out the reasoning behind it...but all I know is that they way they acted during our engagement, the day of our wedding, and the stuff said there after is completely unacceptable and will never be forgotten or forgiven. We have not let them get to us as they have hoped, but it has been a struggle. We have finally gotten to the point where we have cut them out of our lives almost completely.... my life's struggles have given me the strength to just walk away and not look back. It is probably easy because they are not my family...I know it bothers Lance a great deal more then it does me. I don't miss them at all but I know that Lance still does. It hurts him that people so close to him would act so horribly to him and the woman he loves. Anyhow, I know that life is too short to constantly deal with drama and as long as they are thriving on hurting others and gossiping constantly...we are staying away! That's what just has to happen. I have so much on plate right now...I just can't handle much else.
The positive that has come out of their negativity is it has really made me appreciate my family. Their unconditional and never ending love and support has really shone through to both Lance and I...it has shown us that we would rather use someone like them for role models of our future family. It's sad that life has turned out this way regarding us and their's relationship...however, we are thinking of us first and they were damaging our relationship instead of encouraging and helping us grow. People like that do not need to be involved in us. As sad as it is, this is just how it has to be!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I'm Back! :)
Hey all! I thought I would start a new blog on everything wild and crazy going on in my life! My life is exactly that...a wild and crazy ride...but I love almost all of it. ALMOST! :)
I was married April 24, 2010 at the church I was born and raised in. It was like a dream come true. I could not have felt any more like a princess than I did on that day... everything went exactly as I would have hoped for it too...with just a few exceptions. One, I would have done anything to have my grandpa Tino there with me but he was extremely dehydrated from his chemotherapy and had to go to the emergency room. There were definitely lots of tears shed over him missing it, but he's always in my heart and I know he wanted to be there as badly as I wanted him to be there. He was taking care of himself and that is the most important part. I was blessed enough to have a few pictures taken with him - he had came to the church in his tuxedo but wasn't able to stay but I got to see him looking all handsome and he got to give me a big hug and a kiss before the ceremony. The only other thing that I would change would be for my foot not to have been in a "wooden shoe" (haha) I broke it two weeks before my wedding...on my bachelorette party night. Yeah, it was my fault...I am a huge klutz so I should have just expected something like that to have happened to me. In all actuality though, my injured foot did not hinder anything at all. We "bedazzled" it and my dress was so long no one even knew. I was able to dance and have the time of my life at the reception, so it just makes for a funny story now.
Life after marriage has been pretty similar to life before marriage. The only difference is I have lots more diamonds on my finger now :) - was that a girl comment or what? ha! We are still living in the rental owned by my parents but will be buying a house within the next year! We are finally going to be financially stable! I graduated from Washburn University Radiation Therapy program in August 2009 and was working PRN at two of the local cancer centers. I felt as though we would never have any steady income until a month a go when I was finally offered a steady job at the Lawrence Cancer Center! Ummm....heck yeah!!! I am definitely finally reaping the benefits of my six years of college...and so Lance and I will finally be able to not live paycheck to paycheck! Life is finally starting to settle into place!
I chose a career working with oncology patients after my mom's initial diagnosis and bout with breast cancer. January 2008 she started chemotherapy and radiation for stage one infilitrating ductal carcinoma. I remember not being able to look at my mom after she lost her hair - I could no longer deny the fact that my mom was sick and I didnt' want to face it. August 2008 she successfully had beat the cancer! I started the Radiation Therapy program September 2009 - I had found my calling. I loved waking up and going to clinicals everyday...I was saving lives and each patient was so thankful! I took my Radiation Therapy boards the following year - August 6, 2009. August 8, 2009 she was diagnosed with stage four metastatic breast cancer (it had spread to the bone.) July 2009 my grandpa was diagnosed with stage four metastatic collecting duct carcinoma (he had kidney cancer that had spread throughout his body.) Let me just say that this has been the hardest year of my life. My mom now receives hormone therapy once a month and received another round of radiation therapy and they have stabalized her cancer where it has not spread anywhere else since. She is such a strong lady and despite everything she has been through she still prays and thanks the lord every night for the life that she has been given! I only hope to be as strong as she is one day and to have as much faith as she does despite all the pain and turmoil thrown her way.
My grandpa received radiation therapy on his pelvis, femurs, and shoulder. He also started aggressive chemotherapy and unfortunately was unable to finish it. His cancer is even more aggressive and his body was unable to thrive while on checmo - he has lost approximately 40 pounds and is now bed ridden. It has been one of the hardest things of my life to watch the cancer try and take my grandpa from me...he's such a strong man he continues to fight. I see him on almost a daily basis and there are some days I forget he is even sick... besides for the hospital bed that is now set up in his living room. He sits up and talks and jokes and laughs just like the old days. My grandpa and I have always shared a very special bond and the thought of him being so sick...well....it's just something I don't think about. We enjoy every day we have with him and I am so thankful he is the man that he is. He has not let this cancer diagnosis get him down... I am sure he has his moments where he wonders "why me?" but I have not seen them. He was once described as "close to an angel as humanly possible..." and I couldn't have put it better myself. I love you Grandpa! :)
I was married April 24, 2010 at the church I was born and raised in. It was like a dream come true. I could not have felt any more like a princess than I did on that day... everything went exactly as I would have hoped for it too...with just a few exceptions. One, I would have done anything to have my grandpa Tino there with me but he was extremely dehydrated from his chemotherapy and had to go to the emergency room. There were definitely lots of tears shed over him missing it, but he's always in my heart and I know he wanted to be there as badly as I wanted him to be there. He was taking care of himself and that is the most important part. I was blessed enough to have a few pictures taken with him - he had came to the church in his tuxedo but wasn't able to stay but I got to see him looking all handsome and he got to give me a big hug and a kiss before the ceremony. The only other thing that I would change would be for my foot not to have been in a "wooden shoe" (haha) I broke it two weeks before my wedding...on my bachelorette party night. Yeah, it was my fault...I am a huge klutz so I should have just expected something like that to have happened to me. In all actuality though, my injured foot did not hinder anything at all. We "bedazzled" it and my dress was so long no one even knew. I was able to dance and have the time of my life at the reception, so it just makes for a funny story now.
Life after marriage has been pretty similar to life before marriage. The only difference is I have lots more diamonds on my finger now :) - was that a girl comment or what? ha! We are still living in the rental owned by my parents but will be buying a house within the next year! We are finally going to be financially stable! I graduated from Washburn University Radiation Therapy program in August 2009 and was working PRN at two of the local cancer centers. I felt as though we would never have any steady income until a month a go when I was finally offered a steady job at the Lawrence Cancer Center! Ummm....heck yeah!!! I am definitely finally reaping the benefits of my six years of college...and so Lance and I will finally be able to not live paycheck to paycheck! Life is finally starting to settle into place!
I chose a career working with oncology patients after my mom's initial diagnosis and bout with breast cancer. January 2008 she started chemotherapy and radiation for stage one infilitrating ductal carcinoma. I remember not being able to look at my mom after she lost her hair - I could no longer deny the fact that my mom was sick and I didnt' want to face it. August 2008 she successfully had beat the cancer! I started the Radiation Therapy program September 2009 - I had found my calling. I loved waking up and going to clinicals everyday...I was saving lives and each patient was so thankful! I took my Radiation Therapy boards the following year - August 6, 2009. August 8, 2009 she was diagnosed with stage four metastatic breast cancer (it had spread to the bone.) July 2009 my grandpa was diagnosed with stage four metastatic collecting duct carcinoma (he had kidney cancer that had spread throughout his body.) Let me just say that this has been the hardest year of my life. My mom now receives hormone therapy once a month and received another round of radiation therapy and they have stabalized her cancer where it has not spread anywhere else since. She is such a strong lady and despite everything she has been through she still prays and thanks the lord every night for the life that she has been given! I only hope to be as strong as she is one day and to have as much faith as she does despite all the pain and turmoil thrown her way.
My grandpa received radiation therapy on his pelvis, femurs, and shoulder. He also started aggressive chemotherapy and unfortunately was unable to finish it. His cancer is even more aggressive and his body was unable to thrive while on checmo - he has lost approximately 40 pounds and is now bed ridden. It has been one of the hardest things of my life to watch the cancer try and take my grandpa from me...he's such a strong man he continues to fight. I see him on almost a daily basis and there are some days I forget he is even sick... besides for the hospital bed that is now set up in his living room. He sits up and talks and jokes and laughs just like the old days. My grandpa and I have always shared a very special bond and the thought of him being so sick...well....it's just something I don't think about. We enjoy every day we have with him and I am so thankful he is the man that he is. He has not let this cancer diagnosis get him down... I am sure he has his moments where he wonders "why me?" but I have not seen them. He was once described as "close to an angel as humanly possible..." and I couldn't have put it better myself. I love you Grandpa! :)
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