2014

It's the end if 2014 - another year, another year of growth, another year of tears, lots of laughs, lots of love. 

You have grown so much since New Years 2013 - it is crazy how much one year can make a difference. You look less like a baby and more like a little boy with each passing day, you say and learn new things on what seems like a daily basis, you become a little more ornery and a little more stubborn with each passing day :) You continue to sleep in our bed and I am in absolutely no rush to move you out - you and I cuddle every single night and no matter how ornery you can be during the day, you are Mama's little sweetheart. I wake up so many nights and you are holding my hand in your sleep, or just completely and totally cuddled up next to me on my pillow. So yes, it's been another year of co-sleeping and I am more than OK with that.  

Another year without Ma - a lot of tears cried again this year. I know it will eventually get easier, but there will always be that void inside Mama. It's a void that you certainly helped to fill, but I still miss my Mama so much.  We spend a lot of time at her grave - you talk about "Ma's pretty flowers" and always ask for Poppy T's when we are out there - we walk over to my grandpa tino's and you look at his flowers too. 

It was the year where you lost your buddies - We lost Macoy and Rocky.  Mama still comes home and opens the door to be greeted by Rocky - the reality still hasn't sunk in. You still talk about your buddies all the time; you say that Macoy is in heaven with Ma, but Rocky is just at the doctor and will be home soon. For some reason, you don't accept that Rocky is in heaven too - you get really upset and say you miss him and just want him to come home now.  Tears Mama up inside.

It was a year of your tumbling and your little athlete class - even though you never truly learned the discipline for them, you had one heck of a time running like a wild man at your classes.  This summer, You spent a lot of time outside becoming your own little athlete - baseball is definitely your favorite. 

2014 was when you had your first experience as a ring bearer - you did so fantastic. You went to your first movie with Nancy (mama cried because it wasn't with her) You fell in love with Lightning McQueen and the Ninja Turtles, and you realized your obsession with pizza. 

I think 2015 will bring great things - you will be three years old soon, it just doesn't seem like it should be that long a go. Mama is going to go back to school to pursue a masters in healthcare administration - everything i do in life is for you, my baby boy. I want to give you the world.  I think 2015 will be a year of learning for you - you never cease to amaze me with how smart you are...I can't wait to see how much you grow in 2015. 

Thank you for helping me get through another tough year my little love. Here's to you, handsome. I love you. Happy New Years. 

Christmas 2014

Well, Christmas has come and gone - let me just tell you, it wasn't exactly what Mama had in mind. I took off Christmas Eve so I would have six straight days off with you...I had such big plans for us!  We were going to do a little special Christmas shopping at the Dollar Tree (all of Mama's shopping was done, but I wanted to let you choose something special for everyone in the family.  Auntie has always done it with the girls and it's just so cute what they come up with for everyone - I was excited to see what you would think everyone would like.). We woke up Christmas Eve and laid and cuddled in bed for a while until you started to tell me your belly hurt. By the time we had gotten out of bed and headed for the living room for breakfast...you started vomiting. I hoped and prayed it was just a fluke and that you would be fine...but several puke sessions later...I had to admit you had the stomach flu.  We spent all of Christmas Eve pushing fluids and cuddling on the couch. Every time you would get sick, you would just cry and cry. It was so heartbreaking;  you kept saying "mama, I'm so scared!"  It was so sad. By Christmas Eve night, after your bath, your spirit lifted a bit. You were pretty excited to see that Santa had stopped by while you were in the bath tub and dropped off a few early gifts!  You still weren't feeling great, but you had enough energy to tear that paper off of those presents!  You got some neat stuff like a ToyStory remote control car, books, movies, tool box, and helmet with a light on it (for when you're hard at with like Daddy)  before you went to bed, you wanted to set some cookies and milk out for Santa. You told us that Santa loved chocolate milk, Rudolph loved apples, and the dog (the inflatable Christmas dog yard art you chose for the front yard) loved grapes!  You helped set some out on the fireplace for your three Christmas friends. Fingers crossed that we could still celebrate Christmas. 

Christmas morning, we woke up and very excitedly told you that Santa had came and brought lots and lots of presents! You couldn't wait!!!! We ran to the living room, daddy was recording you as you opened your first gift and...PUKE! All over your new "don't spill the beans" board game. Some Christmas video. :( we spent the rest of Christmas just letting you watch movies, drink Gatorade, and eat crackers. Uncle Ezra and Kendalyn had started puking too so Christmas was put on hold.  You are so little, you didn't really understand "Christmas Day" but mama and daddy were pretty upset. I had been so excited and had built Christmas up so much...it was really a letdown. It broke my heart that you were so sick and that we couldn't spend Christmas with the rest of the family.  The next day, we all ventured to Poppy's and celebrated Christmas. No one got too close to each other and mama watched your every move like a hawk ; I must have asked you a million times if your belly was ok, if you were going to go sick, did we need to go to the potty?"  If you started to look a little wooZy we would just take some slow deep breaths and thankfully, no more puking!  You received a lot of really neat stuff!!!  Santa brought you a teenage mutant ninja turtles electric scooter, a Home Depot toolbench, magformers (magnets that you build "castles" with - Nancy has some and you just love them!) you got lots of cool new toys, trucks, etc. You were very happy!  

Even though Christmas was postponed, in the end, it all worked out! :) Mama got some special days of just holding and cuddling you and we were still able to celebrate Christmas with our family - just a little later!  

Christmas season is approaching!  I know I have said this every year since you have been born...but you are just such a blast during the holidays.  Every year you understand it a little more and get a little bit more excited.  You LOVE the frosty the snowman movie - we probably watch it twenty times a week.  You LOVE driving around and looking at christmas lights, singing christmas carols (Santa Clause is coming to town, rudolph the red nose reindeer, frosty the snowman, we wish you a merry christmas, and jingle bells are your current favorites) you LOVE helping Mama wrap christmas presents (pulling the longest piece of tape possible off the dispenser and just laying it where ever you feel like on the already wrapped christmas gifts) and you also just LOVE anything that has to do with "HoHo."  We were at church last weekend for "Hanging of the Greens" and they had a special guest - Santa was there!!!  Your little eyes lit up and you had the biggest smile at the sight of him - you refused to get too close to him though. As long as Mama was holding you, you were able to go give him a big high five.  Tonight is the Brosemer Christmas drawing - Santa usually makes an appearance at that so we will see how you do there also!  We put up our Christmas lights on Thanksgiving and then our Christmas tree the weekend after; you did such a fantastic job decorating it.  You hung every single ornament - carefully choosing the perfect spot and then happily turning around to show us your work with pride.  We hung our christmas stockings, put out all the holiday houses that Ma gave us, and put two very large "Tubs" of christmas decorations all through out the house.  You and I have done several christmas crafts - we did a handprint ornament this morning. Mama certianly isnt the craftiest person alive...but I try so hard.  Seeing christmas through the eyes of a child really puts me in the holiday spirit - I want to make sure that we all have the perfect Christmas!

As I know that you know...Mama just loves you so much.  I love every thing about you... but sometimes I question my parenting.  There is no manual on the wrong or the right way to do things so I am always doubting myself.  I am always so worried that I am not teaching you what I should be teaching you, that I am holding you back by not sending you to preschool, that I should be forcing you to sleep in your own bed instead of with Mama and Daddy, that I should be working harder to give you proper nutrition (even though we try so hard...you are just too stubborn to eat it.) I just question every thing!  You have been super ornery with your behavior lately... I question if I am punishing you the correct way.  I have never spanked you but time outs just aren't working.  You throw bad temper tantrums and hit us in the face if you don't get your way, you scream that you don't like us, for us to go away...and every time you see Auntie, Kambree, or Poppy you scream "I dont like them! Not poppy! Not auntie! Kambree's bad!" etc, etc.  It breaks their hearts because Auntie and Poppy love you so much...I just do not know what to do to make you stop being so ornery.  You refuse to share any of your toys (only child syndrome) and sometimes you are just out and out a mean boy.  Don't get me wrong, you are a total sweetheart though as well; that ornery behavior is definitely not all the time by any means!  Sometimes you are Poppy's little buddy and just smitten by Mama - rubbing my cheeks, holding my hand, cuddling on my lap... I think you just do not know how to properly release your emotions so it comes out as anger.  I know you will outgrow it; I just want to make sure that I am giving you the proper foundation of manners and discipline - again, it's just Mama being a crazy Mama and doubting every thing that I do!

Almost every single day, you ask about Rocky.  You have told me repeatedly how much you miss him, how you want him to come home, how he's your family, how he's your buddy... it just breaks my heart.  I always try to explain ..but end up just saying "mama misses him too, mama wants him to come home too."  Trust me little man, I understand.  I miss Rocky every day still.