seven days

Seven days! 

Seven days until we start to move to our new house... I don't think my mind has stopped racing since we signed the contract to purchase it.  It is on overload thinking of what colors we want to paint the walls, where we should put the furniture, what new stuff I want to buy.  Lance pretty much just goes with the flow - he just smiles and nods as the money goes in and out of the bank! :)  We purchased an all new bedroom set in December, went to Nebraska Furniture Mart two weekends a go and got all new coffee tables, end tables, and a new television stand.  Last week we bought a BEAUTIFUL dining room set from RoomMakers - it's the Hamlyn which is the same as our bedroom set; dark cherry wood that looks very elegant.  Besides for those big purchases I have gone CRAZY buying decorative items - picture frames, floral arrangements, candles, kitchen stuff, etc. etc....but there' still SO much I want to purchase for it.  I just know our house is going to perfect!  It's such a great time for Lance and I. 

Next week I am going to take a pregnancy test to see if this is Lance and I's lucky month.  *fingers crossed*  We have yet to tell anyone that we have been trying for a baby - it's kind of funny because both my sister and Sheena have said repeatedly the last few months how bad they have baby fever and how the bigger Kassidy gets, the more and more our family misses having a baby to love and cuddle up with....I just smile on the inside.  The thought of having a baby still scares me but I am more then ready for it...I know that Lance would make an amazing father...I picture him rubbing and talking to my growing belly all the time.  Plus...I think we'd have a super beautiful baby!  :)  BUT....if it doesn't happen this month...that's ok.  We just get to try again next month!

March 16th marked the beginning of the longest year of my life...it's crazy to look back on it now and just think about everything.  March 16th was the day that my Grandpa got his diagnosis of collecting duct carcinoma and was given less than a year.  It's so sad to look back and realize that we were so oblivious before that date...almost like we were invincible and that death was not going to happen to any of us.  I never would have imagined on that date that I would be sitting here a year later without him.  I'm fighting back tears even now as I write this because it's still just so hard to accept.  March 16th also was the day that Grandma Verna passed away so it was a double whammy this time last year - the last year has definitely been full of heartbreak.  I can't believe how fast the Lord took my Papa....it was such a whirlwind full of doctor's appointments, hospital stays, weight loss, and his final trip to the ER followed by the Hospice House - I guess a lot CAN happen in a year and he's the proof of it.  My heart hurts so much but I try and put myself in perspective by remembering how much harder of a road it has been for my Grandma Patty; she lost both her mother AND her husband in a year's time.  Life is just unfair sometimes and I try not to question "Why me?: and "Why us?" too much because I know that God isn't a mean or spiteful God - he isn't trying to punish our family... he's always been there to pick us back up and to give us faith so I refuse to be angry at him for the cards my family has been dealt; he's provided the strength to survive it all and for that I am thankful.

Although the last year has been very hard, I am able to look back and realize that it was also an amazing year - I married my soulmate and we started our journey to the rest of our lives together. The blessing among the pain.  The first year of marriage has certainly been tough and our relationship has definitely been tested...there were periods of time when I think we both questioned the marriage and whether or not we were going to make it. I am able to look back now and realize that it was all the stress of my Grandpa's illness and all of the unneccessary drama his family has started that was causing our rift but we have survived it all and we have came out stronger then we could have imagined.  Our relationship is absolutely amazing now...there's still days I look at him and just smile because of how in love with him I am.  He's my best friend and everything I want out of a husband. I look forward to the rest of my life with him and I can't believe that we are trying to expand our family together. I know we will be amazing...if we can survive last year...we can survive ANYTHING!