Saying goodbye

Lathan, this is the hardest thing I think I have ever written. We buried Ma today...she passed away April 13th surrounded by Poppy, Uncle Dave, Auntie, and your mama. This has been the hardest week of Mama's life...so incredibly hard. I do not know how mama is supposed to go on from here ... I promised her that I would be strong for you. I promised her that I would try my hardest to be the kind of mama to you that she was to me. She was my best friend. She was my world. I hope someday you feel that strongly for me.

I found some letters today...it was a complete and total accident. I was reaching for a piece of notebook paper and randomly found a notebook that Ma used for writings; no one in the family had seen her use it. The book was full of letters Ma has written to everyone...goodbye letters. She wrote them over the past year where she realized her cancer was taking over... There's a letter for you in there. I am going to put it up somewhere safe so you can read it over and over again as you get older. You can just feel the love in it. You can just feel the heart ache and the pain she must have felt as she was writing these letters to all of her loved ones. You can just feel the loss.

Lathan, you will probably not remember Ma and that kills me inside because you really loved her. I wish you would be able to remember how much you meant to her and vice-versa. You would sit on her lap and just gaze in her eyes as she would sing to you, you would run up to her chair and just babble to her, you would cuddle up and take long naps on Ma's chest, you would reach your little hand back and just rub her face. You brought her so much joy, Lathan. I can not even count the number of times she told me how happy you made her. She always said that you reminded her so much of your Uncle Dave...she always said that being around you and the girls brought her back to when Mama was little and I was playing with David and Auntie Rebecca. She prayed all day long for a miracle...she wanted to be here for her kids and her grand kids so much. It broke her heart because she knew that the cancer was trying to rob her of so much life... Of so many memories that she wanted to share with you and the girls.

I will make sure to tell you all about her and your Poppy Tino as you grow up. I will make sure you see the pictures of you and her and hopefully, you will see the love that you and your Ma shared at one point in your young little life.