Leaving Lathan has been so hard... I absolutely hate it and it still breaks my heart leaving him each morning. I know he is fine, but I just want to spend my time with him; I want to cuddle him to sleep or play with him and just simply enjoy the little miracle I created. The whole daycare situation has been stressing me out- Rebecca has stepped up so much to help me and i know it is because my mom can not help me like she helped Rebecca. I have so much respect for that and i can not thank her enough but I know it is hard on her. Rebecca has her own life and I hate asking for that much help. On top of that, I am trying so hard to keep up with breast feeding; I pump about 2-3 times a day at work and get about 4ounces per side... That's half what I used to get. My milk supply is definitely struggling! Tonight was better, but some past days ended with me bawling my eyes out about failing my son because my milk was drying up. (I told you I have a lot going on... Do not judge me!) I will continue to try for as long as possible...I really want to do this for my little man. We stopped using the shield and sometimes he seems to hate it that way and he will just SCREAM!!! It's getting better though... I have figured out that if he sucks on my finger for a few seconds he remembers what he is supposed to do and then he is just fine! He's such a funny little guy...
Lathan is still just so much fun though. He definitely makes a bad day turn great really fast... He talks and smiles up a storm! We carry on full conversations sometimes... He just answers in babbles and coos. I love it. He has been "one of the guys lately.. " KU plays in the national championship tonight and he has been a faithful little jayhawk and has watched all the games right beside his daddy, my dad, and his Uncle Dave. I'll post a picture of him watching with Lance... It's adorable!
He still only wakes us up once a night... I wake him up in the morning around six so I can nurse him before I leave for work. He is definitely a morning person; he is always so happy in the mornings! I'm sure not... So that must come from Lance!!
He has these little pigs and cows that hang from his car seat and he LOVES them! He just gets so excited when he sees them... He gets his arms and legs a waving and a kicking, he talks, smiles, laughs. It's the cutest thing! However, he has little monkeys above his bouncer and he just doesn't get along with them! It's a joke with us that he fights with them... He starts out perfectly fine and is talking and smiling, but then he gets MAD! He starts yelling at the monkeys and sometimes he even cries! When I pick him up he will still whine and complain for a while after. I promised him we would not leave him alone with the mean monkeys ever again!
This weekend I took Lathan to Grandpa's grave. Like I said earlier, I've been having such a hard time with everything so I just wanted to go feel close to him. So the two of us went out and we talked about everything... I told him all about Lathan and just cried about how much my mom could really use him right now. When I left... I felt so much more at peace. Man I miss him.
My mom continues to struggle on a daily basis... If its not one thing, it's another! Her next scans are April 25th and the dr thinks her cancer will have progressed a lot... I sure hope he is wrong. Her mobility is so limited right now... My dad has to do basically everything for her. I hate seeing her like that but I would take my mom in a wheelchair over not at all any day of the week. I just continue to pray that the treatment begins to work for her.. She is such an amazing person and deserves nothing but happiness; it is not fair that she has to deal with so much. Despite everything going on in her life, she is still such an amazing mom and "ma." She makes a point to check in on Lathan and play with him as much as possible despite her pain and fatigue and she makes such an effort to make the girl's happy. Kendalyn and her remind me of me and my Grandpa... There is definitely a very special bond there. She's just so strong. I love you mom.
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